Heart of the Matter eLetters

Tears & Joy

I was deeply moved by a recent experience with my mother with whom real communication can be difficult. She rarely reveals anything about her emotional state, conversing mostly about things like the weather and the rising price of grapefruit at the local supermarket. She has also never, ever been able to accept a gift. She gives them back or gives them away—often within minutes.

My mother’s 90th birthday was April 24th. I called her that Saturday morning and wished her “happy birthday.”

To my great surprise, she started to weep, and then sob, at times uncontrollably. “I don’t want to be 90 years old…. I’m too old…. I’m now too close to the grave,” she said. Over and over with buckets of tears. “And Donna (her granddaughter) and the girls (two great granddaughters) are coming at noon and I don’t want to see anyone…. Call them and tell them not to come.”

She eventually got quiet. We talked for a while and then said good bye.

A few days later I got a call from Donna. “You’re not going to believe what happened on Saturday. We brought presents to your mother on her birthday. She wasn’t her old self. She laughed. She loved the way our presents were wrapped. She even took her time opening them. And she loved them. I’m not kidding. She really loved them. She even modeled the bathing suits we bought her. We all had so much fun.”

Donna and I laughed in amazement and awe.

The Heart of the Matter: My mother’s story reminds us that our suffering and our joy live within us, simultaneously. Accepting the former literally positions us to live the latter.

We are, however, conditioned to keep our suffering at a distance from ourselves. In my experience, most of our pain (perhaps as much as 80%) comes from the common ways we maintain this distance. Being lost in thought, worrying, self-judgment, blaming or judging others, being over-identified with our work or what others think about us—are examples of how we maintain the distance.

When we surrender inward, we instantly reduce our distance from ALL aspects of ourselves.

Try This: When you use the following technique, you are surrendering inward. You are also tapping into the inner steadiness that’s necessary to daily live the attributes of Heart—such as love, clarity, and joy.

Seek Within: Align Your Mind, Body, and Spirit/Energy

1. Rest into your body. Notice how this helps you. (Trust your experience.)

2. Rest into your pelvis. Notice how this helps you. (Trust your experience.)

3. Rest down through your sit bones—so that you feel what you are sitting on. (This is what’s called “being grounded.”) Notice how this helps you. (Trust your experience.)

4. Recognize that you are in charge of the flow of your spirit (energy, life energy, life force, chi, prana).

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